travel

My whole life I’ve been numb, but never as numb as I felt last night.
I considered the problems of falling asleep at the wheel while my chest wheezed. The room smelled like fresh laundry but the smoke lingered in the air. I’m supposed to leave in 15 minutes. This room is so innocent in some ways. Not so much in others. I feel like I was very mature for my age at the start of all of this, but I made some mistakes and this room saw the truth of everything. I came here and in this bedroom I developed my identity. I live in the stage of responsibility. Responsibility and freedom together can be hard to balance out. I look around my room and so many of my general interests have started to stray from me. It’s like I’ve developed this whole other side of myself. My roots are all still the same, but I feel crazy. There is so much I forget about until I come here. I forget how fun some of these people can be and how much love I have from my parents. I forgot how good it feels to run errands with my mom in the evening, or how great it feels to sit on the couch beside my dad and watch mind-numbing sitcoms. I forget how good it is to see my dog again; she’s not going to be around much longer. I keep waking up and panicking, like I’m supposed to be at work and I’ve overslept. I wake up in a strange place and look around and then realize where I am. I realize I can sleep until whenever I want. There are three spots for light bulbs in my ceiling fan and for the first time in my life, there are three light bulbs filling their spots. My room feels so much brighter than it ever has before.