So after being here for almost a month, I like it. I like it a lot. It's what I need. it's tough, but anymore, what isn't?

The other day I was desperate for a little swimming and since Lake Michigan is ungodly cold until at least August, I decided to do some pool research. Luckily, the red eye did this edition of all the free public pools in chicago that are all maintained by the chicago park district. I was going to venture to the one in Humboldt Park because I live a few blocks north, and it has a slide! When I got there, I saw signs for a beach and decided to follow them. Caution to the fellow females: the "gentlemen" that hang here are all fucking scumbags, just get to the beach and you'll be fine. I wish I knew Spanish so I could at least retort. So I get to the park field house and see signs for a swimming lagoon. This sounds interesting, so I walk down this tiny path and see all these kids swimming in this big lagoon. This place is so rad. It has a beach and an ice cream man that comes around like twice every hour. His ice cream is only a dollar and it's really not to sketch once you are down there. it's my new favorite place in the city. However, myself and a friend did get offered two budweisers wrapped in napkins by two mexican fellows who were wading in the water near us. We declined and instead the man asked my friend for a cigarette and tried to pay her a dollar, so she gave him two. The water temperature isn't exactly what I'd call warm, it's a decent sized lagoon, but if I just jump in everytime, balls to the wall, it doesn't take long to get adjusted.

Other news, my bike has a flat tire. Bummer.
It just needs a new tube. I have one, but haven't gotten around to doing it.

casiotone for the painfully alone tomorrow. again. BAM fest.

Weird vibes are my life, it's hard being a human
being surrounded by yogurt flowers

It's like my ipod always knows exactly how I feel and all it's doing is feeding into it.
On my father's birthday, i choked on a piece of chocolate.
Straight choked. I've never been more scared.


I was driving down the road at 3:45am and all i could do was scream,
if that's what she needs let her have it!

someone tell me this is only temporary

when I used to ride the bus to school in junior high, i used to listen to bjork's joga. I would sit as still as possible and sometimes I could make it feel like I was detached from my body. I wouldn't be able to feel my arms or legs when I was just sitting there. I fucking hated Pennsylvania man. That's all I used to think about.

I'm so far in debt. I owe way too much money to too many different places. I haven't been getting adequate sleep at night. I lie there and toss and turn and finally doze off for a bit, my alarm goes off, i stumble around until I have to leave. Then I get on my bike and pedal the 25 minute ride. The only benefit I see is I finally have some color to my typically ghost-like complexion. I will come home and think about the fact that I'm broke and then lay down and listen to music. I will close my eyes while I lie there and finally fall asleep. So far this summer has been unsuccessful. I've only been back a week and a half. It seems that summer just means working more hours a week.
A plethora of shitty things have already happened:
- freeze on my checking acct cause of no activity in 45 days
-rent check late due to frozen acct
-dropped phone in toilet. sober.
-got stuck in rain biking on the way to work... two days in a row.
-small ants are uniting and taking over my apartment
-outta mountain dew
-my parents were an hour late picking me up at the bus station, wouldn't have been bad if it wasn't 2am in cleveland
- $111.05 due to bank by June 23rd

someone make something go right, please???

"I'm fifteen years old and I feel it's already too late to live, don't you?"


edit: i severely miss my old bedroom.