23.10.09

this is exactly what you needed

sixteen months of rehab

or what could be known as any type of recovery

this wasn’t different than most others

I picked you up and drowned silently as you slept.

The tremble can be cured but the heartbeat takes so much.

Flip to exhaust and exhale slowly,

Ration your breaths and swallow your sadness.

Only one more thing, to remind you that you’re dead.

18.10.09

Nostalgia; take the weight each time.
Your contraband came through my bedroom window
I could have sworn it was just the air.
Tonight was one of those nights that you can't decide you love or hate.
When you drive you don't look to your left or right, straight on.
It was a long drive for someone with so much to think about.
Keeping the window cracked to allow the whistle of the air,
anything to remind you that you're alive.

I felt your stare but it hurts too much to return the glance.
I gathered my jacket, allowing my emotions to make their exit.
Heavy Water/I'd rather be sleeping.

12.10.09

just c'mere

I wanted so badly just to lie down next to him on the couch, to wrap my arms around him and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and I was gawky and he is gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and he was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to where I was and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking if people were rain, I was drizzle and he was a hurricane.

6.10.09

This past weekend was a good one.
I worked from 1-close saturday, drove to cleveland. Got drunk with mike, saw Brendan, Catherine, George, and Kait. Made me real happy.
Sunday, got breakfast with Landon and Mike, went to Spin, Mike bought me a new cog (thanks baby!) afterwards Landon, mike and I went on a ride. New gear ratio felt real different, it's going to take some getting used to. Rode about 25 miles probably. Met up with suzy and her friend which was real good too. It was good to see her, again. Hopefully we'll run into each other more often as she does this Cleveland project she's working on. We rode back, hung out at Brendans with him and Catherine. It was a real good time, until I got really drunk and nervous about driving home and whatnot so we left.. i was sort of paranoid. dumb me.

1.10.09

blatant.

It landed somewhere in between "Come back home" and your way of saying you missed me.
The strange way that you would laugh at what I'd say. You always played it cool.
They would all giggle about how much we look alike and it was worse for me.
I'd have too much coffee and my body would tremble and you'd never finish your tea.
We'd talked through everything, that night of rainbow wind. Your teeth, they chattered so loud.
I'm looking through a snow globe.